Plenty of studies have revealed the statistics that back up the idea of the Orgasm Gap, but just exactly what is it, and more importantly, how can we close that gap?
What Is The Orgasm Gap
The orgasm gap is the term used to describe the gender inequality of orgasms in heterosexual relationships. And yes, there are studies and results that show women do orgasm less than men in almost all cases, but nowhere near at such a rate as the imbalance in woman and man relationships.
Discussing the orgasm gap isn’t about taking any sides, feminist or otherwise, it is simply a fact, and one that should be tackled for both genders.
Why Is There an Orgasm Gap
The reasons for the gap can be tricky to pin down in some aspects, as it certainly varies in so many different circumstances. However, when looking deeper into the topic, some things just really start to make sense.
Beyond cultural and religious effects on the gender imbalance of orgasms, some of the more glaringly obvious reasons are things like sexual education. In days gone by, sex ed was always simply about penetrative sex and the requirement of condoms and safe sex. These days at least they are also discussing consent and the like, but still avoiding discussing sex for pleasure. Of course there are issues talking to teenagers about having sex for pleasure, but since they’re going to regardless, wouldn’t it be better to send them out with some proper education?
Being told that sexual intercourse is a biological imperative is possibly the greatest contributor to the orgasm gap. Of course, overlooking things like IVF, penetrative sex is the requirement to procreate and therefore of great importance (to some/many). However what most people seem to skip over in terms of biology, is that the clitoris is the only organ designed solely for pleasure.
Yet even this simple fact doesn’t stop the idea that, biologically speaking, sexual intercourse is all about ejaculation, and therefore male pleasure. Furthering the idea to support penetrative sex is the push to focus on a woman’s g-spot. Yes, there is a g-spot, but it’s also more likely an extension of the internal area of the clitoris, and is also a bit tricky to hit with regular penetrative sex. (And don’t even get me started on the G-Spot being named, along with another half dozen areas of a woman’s genitals, after a man).
At the core of the issue, most women orgasm from clitoral play, while cultural and misoginistically historical ideals still push the male centric ideal of sexual penetration as the be all and end all of a sexual encounter. Sex in films love to show how easily a woman can climax from penetrative sex, without any kind of foreplay or directive towards that g-spot.
Clitoral stimulation, especially from oral sex, is the go-to for the female orgasm, yet it is regarded as ‘foreplay’; like a warm up before the ‘main event’. But if women typically don’t orgasm from penetrative sex, then who is exactly is it ‘the main event’ for?
Sex and Orgasms
So far this article talks alot about orgasms because, well, it is about orgasms (or lack thereof). However orgasms aren’t solely what sex is about. Sure, they feel amazing, fill us with those beautiful endorphins and relieve a whole lot of tension, but sex is more than that, and a focus on orgasms can lead to anxiety for both sexes.
Sex, in all it’s forms, is all about having fun and giving and experiencing pleasure. Be it an intimate connection between partners, a lustful one night stand or anything inbetween, it’s the sensations and enjoyment that really spur things on. Because if it was all about orgasms, surely that’s something that could be done simply and quickly, on your own, in the comfort of your own home.
How Can We Close The Orgasm Gap?
By simply reading this article has already helped you to close this gap, as learning, accepting and understanding the problem is the first step. Knowledge isn’t simply power, it is empowering.
Harder than this however, is challenging your ideals on the definition of sex. Perhaps just with one simple word change, things might be easier to put to test. Instead of looking at penetrative sex as ‘the main event’, look at it as the ‘main course’. And after the main course, go for something sweet, like a female orgasm.
What Can I Do As A Woman?
Masturbation is probably the most important first step in closing the gap. Sure, many women masturbate regularly but there are still a large portion of women who feel that age old stigma of self love. Or that think because they’re seeing someone, they don’t need to masturbate any more. But masturbation is a great way to explore your body, find what you really like (and don’t like so much).
There are also so many options of great sex toys out there to help you explore yourself even more. Bullets, vibrators, rabbits, all with their own unique abilities to get you unravel the mystery and complexities of your sexual satisfaction. Note, if you’re quite sensitive and have a concern that using an intense bullet will make you numb down there, turn your attention to the range of Womanizer ‘clit sucking’ toys, as they are contactless and ridiculously effective.
Communication is key, either in or out of the bedroom. Some guidance to your partner while he is going down on you is fantastic, as not owning a vagina or a clitoris, he really isn’t 100% sure about what he’s doing, and no doubt would like to be doing things properly, the way you love it. Besides, every woman is different, so every time can be a learning lesson in terms of tecnique, pressure, speed etc.
What Can I Do As A Man?
Understand that there is an orgasm gap, and that penetrative sex is not the full definition of sex. It’s just one aspect of it. Shift your focus from ‘foreplay’ simply as stepping stones to intercourse. Read up more about women’s genitals, discover that the clitoris is a whole lot bigger than the small external part.
Listen to your partner about what she likes, and doesn’t like. If she doesn’t tell you, ask her. Either while in the act, or another time, out of the bedroom. Ask her if she likes what you do, and if not, how can you do it better. And when she tells you, listen and understand. Being told how to pleasure your woman isn’t a challenge to your masculinity.
Speaking of masculinity, sometimes she just might not be able to orgasm from anything but a sex toy. This is no mark against you and your sexual ability, it is simply an aide to help or orgasm, or to mix things up every once in a while. It could even be a great way for you to introduce your own toy, like the Fun Factory Manta.
Change the type of porn you watch. Check out some feminist porn. See how real couples make love. See how they can have some intercourse early on, but resume to other activities without that being the end of it all.
If you’re the kind of guy that is completely drained after cumming, that’s fine, but make sure you give her an orgasm first (or at least try to). Otherwise, keep pushing on after you cum. Go down on her. Move things to the shower if it’s more comfortable for you.
And here’s the big one for you guys; stop keeping a tally. Your ‘number’ says nothing about you. If you cook a steak 300 times, the wrong way, that doesn’t make you a chef, it makes you a fool. By not counting your so-called conquests, perhaps you’ll redefine your idea of sex. Have you ever done everything but intercourse, and been annoyed the encounter didn’t add onto your tally? Doesn’t matter, you both had fun.